dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
