I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
