i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
