Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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