btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
