thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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