I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
