my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
