i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
