My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
