If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
