shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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