You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
