these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
