Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
