i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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