My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
