yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
