Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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