it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
