so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
