I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
