i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
