the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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