i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
