Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
