Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
tell me about the eggs
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