Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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