My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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