There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
