meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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