a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
