Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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