I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
