Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
