Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
