My friends, they love my intelligence
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize