i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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