she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
