okay pat passed out under dana's car
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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