you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
