I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
