im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
