finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
