Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
