your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
