I should be sponsored by Trojan
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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