At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
