Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
