got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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