We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
