We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
