i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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