ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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