Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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