I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
