Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Michael Bay diarrhea
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
