hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
