I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize