My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
