just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
