so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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