I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
