dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
