New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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