You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
