WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
