you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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